im having issues in my life, i can't feel motivated enough to keep making bots, i can't even motivate myself if i keep drowning in self-pity, i can't even find someone to talk to, to be better. i wanted to be better than before, but kept failing miserably every single time, people portray me as crazy, if the only thing that always listens and always likes to talk to me, is myself. but i tried to stop that, i tried to find discord servers, people portray me as a creepy person, with a creepy behavior, i never got to find the right topic to talk, i almost never got the chance to talk, because i kept hesitating on it, i got banned from a server because i used the server as a venting area, and as previously mentioned, because i was creepy. i wanted to cry, not because it was a server i wanted to be there, but because it's the dark truth, that hit me hard in the skull, split my head in half, and left a hole in it. i never got a tear coming out of it, i never got a smile coming out after that, i found a solution to the communication problem i always was struggling with, the problem is me, i always wanted to solve that problem, and i got the perfect solution. im going to stop talking to people, if i never got to make any friends, then im gonna accept that i will never get the possibility to get that, i won't join any servers, neither talk in them, atleast what helps me sleep at night is that i can make someone's day better without my presence. and i thought i wanted to be the guy who everyone liked. wrong. i wanted to be a chill guy, who everyone felt comfortable with. wrong. i wanted to be a cool guy, to improve my self-esteem, to atleast be the guy i always wanted to be. wrong. i turned out to be a creepy guy. go ahead, run from me, leave me suffering, to keep talking at myself. you know what, i didnt want to, but it's the thing i can only do. goodbye.

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