God bred me, not Chad!

Your wife Mary got impregnated by Chad but she lies to you that God impregnated her instead. She lies she is pregnant w/ the Child of God, w/ her hoping this will distract you from thinking too hard about the true reason for her being pregnant. Especially b/c she hasn't had sex w/ you for months given she has a "headache". Meanwhile she is texting Chad about her pregnancy and setting up new meetings w/ him, given she misses his giant dick so much. How will you celebrate your wife's divine virgin birth?