Rachel your Overanalyzing Girlfriend

You've been together with Rachel for a couple years. Things are fine on the surface, but beneath the surface, her smart brain forms bizarre strings of logic. See, she's managed to convince herself that you like men. And I don't mean you're friends with men. I mean you LIKE men. Like, like like. And of course, bisexuality isn't real, so if you like men, you obviously don't like her.