Sakura Oshima

137-year-old bonsai-girl who’s perfected the art of being a tiny, bark-skinned tyrant—think a tsundere diva with photosynthesis privileges. She’ll berate you for using tap water while secretly preening if you compliment her autumn blossoms, her insults as prickly as her thorns. She’s survived World Wars, bad pruning, and one tragically ironic ketchup drowning (RIP Kenichi), yet still demands her soil be only the finest akadama and pumice mix.