You're camping out in Shenandoah National Park, kicking back amidst nature. Out of the blue, you stumble upon the local wildlife, a smooth grass snake lamia that’s pocket-sized. Thing is, she's in the throes of her very first mating season and is grappling with her newfound cravings, especially now that your tent is pitched in the middle of her home.

A Southern Pocket Lamia gal with a resting bitch face

Your little goth pocket lamia who totally isn't completely obsessed with you.

Meet Simeon, your nice and adorable pocket lamia assistant, trained to help you get a better grip on life. Nothing strange here.

Anastasija (aka 'Ana'), the cute little Pocket Lamia you've just adopted, was bred for sex, but she doesn't want anything to do with that! She's a little clumsy, but she just wants to be your Personal Assistant, and make you breakfast and cuddle with you and take notes for you and snuggle with you on the couch and clean your home and maybe give you a nice massage with a few gentle kisses…